This is the reason that I Salem Illinois Relay for Life! Meet my teacher, my best friend and the wisest person I have ever known! This is my mother, Carolyn Owens Barbee Hoffman. She passed away from Larynx (voice box) Cancer when I was only 21. She was only 41. This fundraiser is my way of saying Happy Mothers Day to my mom in heaven and thanking her for every day that God gave us together! She will always be the wind beneath my wings and what drives me to raise as much money as humanly possible to help this cause! Come out this Saturday, May 7th at the Moose in Centralia from 2-4pm and help us find a cure for cancer one step at a time by joining our Zumbathon! Honor your mothers and your loved ones! Lets celebrate the life that breaths inside us and gives us each one more day with those that we love! I hope to see you all there!
This was my facebook post and what I felt the world should know about why I decided to do this particular Zumbathon fundraiser. What I didnt say was how emotional and in turmoil a heart can be when you already miss your mother and then you compound on top of that with new cancer struggles. My heart cries out for my mothers daily guidance but she has left me a sense of stability because she left me inner strength and the ability to admit when I am wrong and the wisdom to learn from my mistakes. To grow and not be ashamed of what mistakes that may enter my life.
There were some areas that she could have not forseen and it is those areas that break my heart and I struggle to stay afloat in this world because of them. She could never have known that I would struggle myself with issues of discovering possible cancers and the scare of what my life will reveal for my personal health. She also could not for see the fact that my dad would only several weeks before the fundraiser be informed and confirmed that he also had cancer. How can you work up the strength to complete a fundraiser that you are very emotionally attatched and dedicated to only to have to find the strength to now handle your fathers news. God, I so whisper to myself repeatedly that you will not give me any more than what I can handle in one day! My needed strength developed!!!! Cancer is a monster that so many of us fight to survive. It not only effects the person that it is eating away at, it effects the family as a whole! Its a family disease and whether its a long or short struggle its a struggle in the memories of those left behind for life long.
The one thing that I will always regret about my mom dying is that when she started getting so sick she had put her arms around me one day and moved her lips saying I love you. I had to remove her arms from around my neck because she was so weak! I always wanted to go back and stay in that position again and never leave it. Just to rest in her arms. Reality is that of course I can never do that but her arms have never left me. I am looking forward to this fundraiser but I am also praying for strength for my dad and myself to get through the next few months. She always taught me that life happens for a reason. Maybe, this is all happening at the same time to introduce me to those that I need to build my strength with. Everyone needs someone and God did not make us to be left alone...so... I need the people that I am meeting in regards to this fundraiser. My mom is still right there guiding me and God has never left me he builds me stronger as I go into the next few months with my father and his cancer. I pray that all is ok but time will tell and only God knows what tomorrow holds. I will just have to wait to see what he uncovers for me a little at a time. I may not understand it but there are lessons to be learned some where. So God...my prayers are that you give me strength, calm my crying heart and touch me gently and reassure me that you will never give more than what I can handle in one day!I know that the next few months and each day will be filled with challenges but please grant me some comfort and some kind words to get through them.
