The Rhythm of The White Tennis Shoes

People come in all sizes and styles. There are some who are loud and in your face while others may be quite and observant. From time to time, a person can be still and see the world in a very new and different light. If you are lucky, you may see many different sides to the old and young. On one such occasion, I sat silently on a Sunday morning enjoying the Message being delivered by our Preacher. He was strong and steady with his points and his jokes were funny and made us all rumble with laughter. We had a full house and as many Church families do, we all were on are best behavior in Gods house. We had some extra guest that morning and to our delight they were all musicians. The Church was full of song and young and old alike seemed to be focused on the stage. As they moved to a special singing the uplifting spirit continued. As I looked out over row after row of people a smile came to my face as I saw how everyone was joined together clapping and singing along with the music. They were all belting out the same bluegrass Christian Song as they kept the beat with their hands and feet. As the song was about to end, a pair of white tennis shoes caught my eye. They were in the row ahead of me and were moving quite vigorously keeping the Rhythm of the music in check. As I continued to look up to see the face of the owner of those shoes I discovered a nice surprise in a smiling face. A tear fell to my check. Mr B, a long time member of our church, was at the other end. Mr B was always quiet and reserved. He never talked out of place or made any noise about anything. He had recently been ill and had been recovering from a stroke. He was known for being a faithful Christian who always attended church but rarely sang or ventured towards helping others. He never missed a day at church if the door was open. Little did we all know that our 85 year old Mr B loved Bluegrass Christian music and those white tennis shoes were connected to the boogieing feet that kept him alive.

AT What Point

Life delivers us where it wants us to be. In the lives that call our names and the hearts that bring out the best and the worst in us all. Some where in between we discover that the ones we once called our children become grown adults with children of their own. Its sometimes hard to decipher where our lives end and theirs begin.  Some cling to us and want us by their sides always. While some of our children flourish well without our guidance. Perhaps, kudos for a job well done as they were little. No matter what they say or how they grow they take a part of us with them where ever they go. Just as we retain whatever we can from them. If we are lucky we can receive a year  by year scrapbook of them and their kids as we watch our grand kids grow. There are not handbooks that can tell us step by step on how to love what we create. There is however several opinions on ways to follow up on what we begin. How do we let them grow and not interfere? How do we watch from a distance when they require such a small amount of our knowledge. At what point do we back away as parents and let them experience life for what it is...Its a learning experience that holds much more than just skinned knees. It frightening at times as a parent to let your child go and to just remember that they are adults. Teach them to weigh the pros and the cons. To ask in depth questions of life and how it works. Most of all....to treat others the way you want to be treated, with respect and keeping your morals as your guiding light behind the choices you make. If we have left our children with these guidelines then maybe its at that point when we can hope that they will allow us to play a few innings once in a while in their lives. All we can do is pray that God will keep them safe and Guide them as they fulfill his plan for their lives. Hoping along the way that they remember that no one is perfect. We made mistakes with them and they will do the same. Just always remember......pick up the pieces and start again.....someone is watching and learning all they do.....for at this point they are now the adults setting their own examples for all the little ones to observe, interrupt and play out as they grow.

The Package Wasn't For Me

As I sat there agitated and selfish I heard a voice raging inside of me. I become so consumed with my aggravation of the situation in front of me that I failed to see what was around me. In moments passing my anger started to disappear as I heard a beautiful sound next to me. As I turned to see what I was hearing I realized it was my daughter. She was singing. A beautiful voice that I hadn’t heard sing for many months. I was never for sure why she stopped but she did. Now she was singing like an angel. It turned out that the package in front of us wasn’t supposed to be for me. It was a delivery for her. Funny, how we often believe that everything in this world is wrapped around what we need or want. We often fail to see that the world is much more complicated than what lies right in front of us.

Journey To Something More

I was in college and I was a young mother, alone and on my own. My mom had passed away the year before. She was so proud of me being in school and working so hard to give my son more than what she could have financially ever given me. I struggled daily after she died but I never gave up and I know I was at a point in my life where I was trying to decide what my actual career choice was going to be. I had wished many times that my mom was there to be my sounding board but that was not the way God had planned it. I had learned early on that I had to roll with whatever God laid in front of me. There was always a purpose to his reasoning and I didn't have to understand any of his decisions. I just had to trust in him.

On this particular day everything seemed to be going wrong. Much to my frustrations and already complicated life, I found myself at the local laundry mat due to my washer had broken down. I had tons of studying to do and no time for all the confusion.

As I unloaded my laundry I noticed that there was only one other person there. She was a well dressed lady that appeared to be very nice. She came over and began speaking to me almost immediately after my arrival. We talked for what seemed to be hours. I discovered that she was from a neighboring town and her washer had broken so she had no choice but to find a laundry mat for this day. She was in her early sixties and she had spent her entire life as a Social Worker. She told me stories of her Journeys in and out of other peoples lives. Some of the people she met blessed her with adventures of a lifetime while others left her sad and empty. She explained to me all about how so many people left a footprint on her heart. That all of her encounters made her into the person that she was. She took a little piece of all of them and wrapped them together. Being a Social worker was both a blessing and a trial. That it was sometimes hard to stay true to what you believe and who you are unless you hold tightly to what God has already given you. Stay focused and help who you can and just remember that we are only human. We can not, and are not expected to save the world just because we answer a calling to be a social worker. Some of us are just born to do so. Just like we are born to be School Teachers or Librarians. Its something that fills us and makes us complete.

It was this conversation and day in time that decided my future. I knew from that day forth that I had to finish college and become the Social Worker that I had wanted to be. I was a very young and impressionable twenty-two year old. I enjoyed my conversation immensely with my new found friend. During our time together we talked so intensely and with so much driven power and purpose that I never noticed that she was by my side the whole conversation. It wasnt until after our conversation was over and I was home that I realized that I had never seen her with any laundry. As my heart lifted and a smile crossed my face I found myself remembering that among all my troubles earlier that morning I had asked God for some guidance....So... as tears rolled down my cheeks I had to ask myself, “ Was my new found friend really a Social Worker or was she something more? “

Chance Meeting

Families are far from perfect and mine was the same. We loved each other but I was a teenager and I definitely knew all about pushing my mothers buttons. The consequences were not always good for me. When we would argue I would separate myself from the problem at the time and my tomboy side would kick in. I would find my fishing pole and head down to the local Reservoir. Mom and I seemed to argue a lot in my early teenage years. It might have been because my chores weren't done or I was gone to long and didn't feel the need to tell her where I was. She was my best friend but at this age she was also my worst enemy. I had a new stepfather and he meant well but he wasnt my favorite person. So, usually any argument mom and I had it gave me a reason to run out on her.

On the one day that stands out the most to me we had been fighting and my step father had gotten in the middle of the fight again. I felt alone and angry that he even thought he had a say so in our argument.

I was determined to sneak away and make my mom learn to appreciate me a little more. So, I grabbed my fishing pole and headed out. It was hot and there were a few people already with their poles in the water. I found a place and got comfortable. My dad use to always tease me that I could barely be quite let alone set still long enough to wait on a fish. True to this statement, I was throwing my line in the water and reeling it back in. I was not catching a single fish when I heard a mans voice a little ways down from me hollering. He had caught a fish. Of course I had to say something to him because I still wasn't catching anything. I wanted to know what his trick was.

Before I knew it hours had passed and I was starting to catch fish. It was all about a fishing lure and being patient but more than that I think it was about having someone to talk to. The mystery voice was connected to a man who had all sorts of fish stories to tell. He was nice and taught me how to put the lure on my pole and set it at the right depth for me. He was amazed that I knew so much about fishing. Really I think he was amazed that I was a teenage girl that was still into fishing. As he talked I listened intently and then shared stories about me and my dad. Eventually the stories went from being about the fish to being about what brought us to the lake to fish. I told the man all about my stepfather and how I felt about his intrusion on my life. We talked about our fights, School, not seeing my dad and many other topics. The man was a gentlemen and not once inappropriate.

As the day was starting to get late I said my thank yous and bid him farewell but I never shared a phone number or an address. When I did return home I looked at my Stepfather a little different. The man himself was a Stepfather and he had shared some of his stories about how his family treats him. It finally became clear to me on that day that everyone is human and not always out to get the other person. I learned a lot that day with a fishing pole in my hand. Was it a by chance meeting or an arranged blessing from God? I guess only God knows that answer but I can say that I never saw the man again but I was and am forever grateful to him. He showed me both sides of the coin that day and changed my views forever on Stepfathers...

So Little

I had never seen such perfect ten fingers and ten toes. She was beautiful and my heart was so full of love. Her beautiful blue eyes. Her cries were strong. We knew right away that she would be strong like her mother. So little but yet she filled our hearts up completely. How could something so little have such an effect on so many people at one time. As we all smiled and continued to talk about this bundle that I had just held it occurred to me that the one that I thought of as my own daughter wasnt a little girl any more. As I turned to look her direction my heart lifted into a state of awe. There she laid with eyes only for this crying bundle at her side. It was as if none of us existed. To feel the love for your own child is amazing but to see the love in your daughters eyes for her child, well it was beyond amazing. All I could do was wipe a tear from my cheek. She was so beautiful. They were so beautiful. I silently watched as she counted ten fingers and then softly lifted the blanket and counted ten toes. The whole time her eyes never drifted from her baby girl. The smile on her face never faded. She had found a piece of this world that she now loved more than life itself. There was not a doubt in my mind that this baby girl would never want for anything. Emmalynna Grace was a true gift and a blessing to her mom and her dad. For when I looked beside Emmalynna's mom it was there that I found her dad and at that moment I knew, this day was just the beginning to a beautiful life.....

Wind Beneath My Wings

IN MEMORY OF CAROLYN OWENS BARBEE HOFFMAN
As the pages turn the memories flood through our minds. Such Joy, yet such sadness in so many days filled with living life. A special time being looked for to share the remembrance. Suddenly, tears start to flow as the pain and the loss is temporarily overwhelming. Reality sets in that its been 27 years since you left us.So many pictures of loved ones and barely your beautiful face to be found. You left us earlier than remembered. Too early a life cut short. Your presence felt daily and your love surrounds us. Faith tells us that things are as they should be but our hearts can only think of the moments that have taken our breaths away and as we turn to tell you, you are not to be found standing next to us. Thankful always for the days that you blessed our lives. We will continue to look for your spirit you left in each one of us. Your spirit that has molded us and gave us wisdom to remember where our strength in this world comes from. You will always be MY BEST FRIEND, MY TEACHER, MY ROLE MODEL AND THE WISEST STRONGEST WOMAN I HAVE EVER KNOWN. WE LOVE AND MISS YOU MOM...THANK YOU FOR THE WIND BENEATH OUR WINGS!

Carolyn Owens Barbee Hoffman
June 1947 to March 1989

The Gift of Decision

We can often find ourselves living in a world of Confusion. One in which there are days that we just feel as if the weight of the world is on our shoulders. So many decisions and questions as to how to choose what move to make next in order to make our lives complete. We can become lost in our thoughts and our fears. Its easy for us to get caught up in the making of these choices, or decisions as some of us call them. We never see how they are shaping and molding us. They actually are a form of teaching us how to live and be productive in our day to day lives. A way for us to learn from our mistakes and our victories. A sort of history lesson in the making.

Although, Its not always about the right or wrong decisions that we make. Its more about the discovery of us. Finding out what makes us tick? Finding out what we have learned from those around us who have been our mentors. How did they handle life's “DECISIONS”? What did we live and learn from those who set our examples. The tools that we are given quite definitely determine how we handle our challenges in our lives.

Now, with all this being said and discovery of what makes us.....US..I need you to think outside of the box for a moment. Think beyond ourselves and our history of our lives and our decision making skills. I want you to think of all those people, adults and children who don't come from some of the places that have good tools. Places where they fight battles that are more built on survival skills instead of daily routines. Their lives are in a place where one sometimes experiences what they call “fight or flight.” These tools are built on defense and offense. Where children learn to be adults way before they learn about having a right to make a decision. Their decisions are made more on protecting themselves from the immediate threats not so much on future threats or goals for their lives. Some of these children don't even realize that they have choices or that they can actually make decisions of who or what they want to be in their lives. They only know that their instincts tell them to protect themselves and to make the decisions that keep them and others around them safe.

Now, these are the tools that some of our children are given. These children become adults in our world who carry these tools into their futures because this way of life is the only way that they have ever known. Its what they use to make their decisions not only for themselves but they teach them to the next generation. We all share our coping skills with the next generation that follows us. Either by what our children see us do or by what we purposely teach them. The purpose of this discussion is not to judge anyone. Its more about trying to remind us that while we all are responsible for the decisions that we make, we should not judge ourselves or the person next to us so harshly on the rights or wrongs. We react to living life with the tools that we have been giving. We can learn to sharpen those tools, however; we have to first realize that making “DECISIONS” in our lives is actually a God given Gift. Once we see it as a gift then its up to us to learn to appreciate our challenges. We can all adapt and learn but its a lot easier to help someone grow in a better direction then to be the one to make them think that they are stuck where they are. Watch your words and your actions and try to become part of the solution for change. Its just very possible that if you cant see the need for the compromise and your assistance for changing the situation....then maybe your the one that needs to reconsider what tools you are actually sharing in your life...Remember, think outside the box...Life is worth living to the fullest! So live a little. You just might like what you discover along the way! :}

A little mud along the way can sometimes help us see life so much clearer

Lifes Full Circle Surprises

Its surprising sometimes how life has a way of making us smile just when we need it. Is it Gods way of wanting to remind us that things could always be worse? I prefer to think that it is more Gods way of reminding us that there are things in life that we have to do even if we dont quite understand why. Its kind of like a full circle approach to living life to its fullest. The only true uniqueness to this story is that blessings and understandings can come in many surprising forms and definitely not at all what we expect.
In my house I have a beautiful teenager. Now there are days we love each other and days we love to hate each other but we always keep moving forward. She will be the first to ask me how my day has been and I, to ask her,  "Is your room clean?" My point being that we are secure in loving one another but we still try to keep our independence. Like I said, she is a teenager.
A few days ago her and I set down with my granddaughter to color. Now, as most of you know that's the perfect time to bond. Just us ladies, young and old, coloring and discussing life. My daughter brings a handful of coloring books out of her bedroom that she has collected over the years. As I set there and watch her I see her flipping through pages and then she stops. She picks up an envelope with a card in it and opens it and reads it silently and then puts it back in her book and moves on. It took me a few minutes but suddenly I realized that I recognized the card. As I looked up at her she very nonchalantly says, "Its one of the cards you send me every year when I go to camp. I hide them in my stuff so I can  be surprised when I find them. I like to read them and then put them back in their place so I can find them later and do it all over again."
At that moment, I wanted to cry. She has been going to camp two times a summer since she was 8 years old. Each trip I would hide a card in her bag for her to find and drop one in the mail every day until she was due to come home. The first few years it was a way of building up her confidence and letting her know that I loved her more than life itself. This last summer was her final summer before she became an eighth grader and I decided it was time to get her to think about other people as much as she, as a teenager, was starting to think about herself. So, I gave her daily task to do that involved others. My hope was to try to keep her a little humble yet also a little wise.  I wanted her to think more about her morales and who she was becoming.I never dreamed that she would treasure them so much. It was an "Awe" moment for me and a reminder that we never know just how much we are actually impacting our children. One of life's full circle surprises. Time with the ones we love, whether its in person or written, is time well spent....How are you spending your time?