Friendship

There are times when I think that all of us can feel so alone that you may think the emptiness inside of you will never leave. Then you have a person in your life that says your name and suddenly you realize that its ok to be in this world without feeling as if you are a complete person twenty four hours a day. When we are alone is when we start to feel all the pain that we have been through over the years. Its like a haunt that never leaves us but gets put on the back burner. Its baggage as some of us call it. Why do we ever have to feel the pain, loneliness or the emptiness. I guess the reason is that if we didn't ever feel the pain we would never experience the awe that comes from belonging and having a sense of fulfillment. Quite often some of us stay so busy in our lives to not allow us to feel what is actually inside of us. We may not do it on purpose but we do it. It could be that its not even being a workaholic. Maybe, its a sense of being a playaholic. Anything just to keep us from feeling what scares some of us. Coming to terms with what makes us who we are. What makes us put our pride on the sidelines and ask for help when we hurt so badly inside at times. My best friend in this world was my mother, but God blessed me with so many friends for so many different occasions. They are like mood changes. A friend for laughter, a friend for being serious and all the other areas of our lives that we encounter. The ones I love the most are the ones that I can talk to after 6 months and more and pick up a conversation right where we left off. They are a kind of soul friend. They know us and love us for all the mistakes that we make and for all the mistakes they make because they know that we are right there with them even if we are miles away. Friendship is more than a word! Its an essence of being whole and complete. It helps us to see ourselves as a person, a human being that is alive and that is allowed to falter and pick ourselves back up again. I have been blessed with so many friends of flavor. I can go home alone but they are only a voice away and sometimes that voice never stops talking to me even when they are miles away. For some of you who are my friends and know all about me are also the ones that can laughingly say; I love you but, I also told you so and even the told you so can be music to my ears. Thank you for not leaving my side even when the times are good because you know I never have to say anything when times are bad because your always holding my hand. Friendship is a moment by moment experience and never leaves us because the memories remind us of how it feels to be complete and the loneliness is only until I am reminded by a voice that I was never alone.

Time

Tonight i cant help but feel the jitters. When did I decide that alone was better? Did I decide or did i let others make the decision for me? So many questions yet so many different answers. How do we know when enough is enough and it is time for our life to change? How many changes can a person experience in a life time? My heart sighs and my mind is still a jumble. Its OK to feel like... you're in limbo. Its all part of us being human. The heart lingers for what it is familiar with. What it is use to and what it longs to have as comfort. Our mind boggles itself because the heart does not always agree with what we feel or want or think we need. We are just as cruel to ourselves sometimes as the world around us can be. We inflict pain on ourselves to feel alive and loved and wanted and needed. There are days that we want to be left alone and then other days that we cry for any one to answer the phone or even for a stranger to smile our direction. Pay it forward i tell my friend. Pay the kindness forward and you may be surprised what time will give you! Karma, is it Karma? Perhaps it is but whatever it is that is hidden underneath all of the confusion that comes with matters of the heart, time will make it better. Will it heal all of the pain and broken promises sometimes shared between others? No it does not all end that easy but time will make it easier. Easier and wiser is the magic that time holds. Easier and wiser!

I Heard what you said, but its not what I see!

Time tells us stories that some believe when they experience them. Others believe them when they hear them. While still others have to actually feel all the emotions that are to be held when a story is real from the heart. Are you speaking with your mind or are you stumbling without a clue through a lifetime of mistakes and mishaps. Do we become the misconceptions or are we the rare breeds. I talk of confusion because my own blood makes me hurt inside and out. He is the quickest pain that I have ever felt. The sharpest knife to cut at my heart but usually the only person who is allowed to get away with all the turmoil he spreads. The quickest of life for me to forgive. He throws words that I wish I had never heard. I never thought I would have days like these. On the richest day of my life when i first heard him cry I never thought my heart could break so easy. I never thought that any one could tear me inside out and still end up with my love still to be his. I don't know how to hate a child. I thank God for that blessing because if he meant every word that he said to me I would cry with every breath that I took. A pain from a child hurts so badly that you think you will never heal. It doesn't take a lifetime of hurt. It only takes a few seconds and a mothers heart can break and softly quietly repair because there is no choice with a child. The unfortunate is that I hear quite often what I want to hear and sometimes what I don't want to hear however its not what I see! The see is what hurts and leaves a footprint on my heart that will always forgive but the unfortunate pain of a loved flesh and blood will never fully heal. How can it heal when your lives are tied together forever never to part. A mother loves her child no matter what, always and forever, but she can also silently cry inside because of the unseen pain. I forgive you is real. I will always feel the hole, the impression on my heart is also real.

A nutshell

Life can be viewed as a hard candy shell with all of our good tasty little treats inside each bite, but what happens for some of us when the bites are not always good and tasty? They begin to taste like the rest of the other worldly bitter treats. Or in some cases it all becomes tasteless and leaves us moving like a zombie without a rhyme or a reason for a direction. Its a motion that gives us no fulfillment but leads us to small completeness of minute task.
Life is not simple or unpleasurable its the way that we all choose to expose what it holds for us. Can we get lost in the daily motions of struggle? Yes, we can! Can we lose faith in ourselves and those around us? Yes, we can, but its up to us to pick ourselves back up and go forward with what life we have been given. There are people in this world who are begging God for just one more day! Please Lord, give me one more day of sight so I can see my children grow. One more day of hearing so I can hear their voices. One more day of speech so I can tell them how much they mean to me and how much I love them. One more day to feel with every inch of breath that inters my body so that I may touch them and hold them one last time.
When you see life as precious as it could be, why do we sometimes forget that we are part of a daily blessing that we have been allowed to share with other! We are the inside nourishing flavors of all that there is to make the world go around and around. To make each of us human and to form our mere existence! To live is to hold something so precious in the center of our hearts that no one can take it away! The breath that we experience carries with it lessons to be learned. These lessons have ups and downs and all the moments that we exist someone is watching.We must remember that its OK to have a struggle because it makes us stronger and in time defines us. The most important part is that we not only define ourselves but we define those who are watching. For most of us, the ones watching are the ones who are growing with every touch we give them. In a nutshell, its our loved ones that see how we handle life and that's how they base how they will handle life! What kind of view are you giving them?