Sometimes it's easy to get lost in the daily movements of our lives. To wake up, get ready for work and to then begin our day as every other day. We slowly go through the movements, always heading towards another place, another appointment, or maybe even another conclusion to out steppingstones in our lives in order to begin another section of our lives. If you're lucky, you might cross the path of an old memory along the way. One that emotionally grabs hold of you and slams your heart up against a wall just long enough to remind you how fortunate you have been to share your life with someone else. A memory that stuns you and then brings you to tears because you feel the love and then the hurt all within seconds of each other.
I remember a time when I was driving and I approached a four way stop in a daze. I was just going through the motions heading out to start my day. My heart began to ache, right after my body tingled and I felt so warm all over with this crazy smile hanging on my face. Tears came and flowed with ease down my face. All in a matter of seconds. I wasn't doing anything but driving towards starting my day. The truth is, sometimes that's when we need the reminders to spark our lives and to set us free from the occasional pain that can stall us in life.
I was not paying attention to the world around me, but sometimes our hearts find a way to hang on to the beautiful moments that help us to stay whole. The times that you feel so loved and worthy to be loved. My heart and my mind had heard a song on the radio that sparked the smile. The smile sparked a warm memory and the love for my mom took over without a thought. For a second it felt like she was in the car with me, talking to me, supporting me like she had done since I was so little.
I had heard that song multiple times, but it had never affected me the same way that it did on that morning. The words had not changed, and the meanings of the lyrics were all the same that they had always been. So why? Why did God choose that moment on that particular day to give me both love and pain. I choose to believe that I needed to remember her and how it felt to be loved in the way that she had always loved me. I needed her strength, her examples, her guidance and perhaps to remember that I am never alone. She has not left me she has only went before me and I will see her again.
Although I don't understand why God does the things that he sometimes does, I do know that it's his plan and I do not have to make sense of it. He will give me what I need when I least deserve it and when I am in full bloom as well. It will be 37 years, on 3/20/26 since I lost my mom and, in an instant, the love and the pain are making it feel like she just left me. I often tell people to celebrate their loved ones who have passed on and remember them in a positive way when you're hurting. I still believe these words, but I also believe that you have to shed a few tears as well. Remember to be thankful as well for all the blessings that you received from having them in your life.
I am sending out some love for mom on this anniversary of her being in heaven. I am still thankful that God gave her to me as a teacher, a protector, a friend, an encourager and most of all, as a mother.
Carolyn Sue Owens Barbee Fisher Hoffman 1947-1989
Always will be, "The Wind Beneath My Wings"
