MOMS LESSONS

It’s been an empowering weekend full of discoveries and emotions. The weekend started with time being spent with friends who share my faith. It lead into a second day of inspiration, hard work and recognition of important moments in my life. This week being the 29^th anniversary of my mom’s passing, it is always a time of reminiscing.  One of the ladies demanded that we think about the times in our lives where we approached a life changing interaction. An interaction that forever created a different path on this road we travel called a Journey.

My earliest memory I can think of was when my dad owned his own mechanics shop in Kinmundy. I was maybe in the second or third grade and there was a family that their car had broken down. I remember that day that we had a few extra mouths to feed. After that day, I seem to see my parents in a bit of a different light. When my mom and dad separated I continued to see my mom and her giving soul. I always said she was a Social Worker without a degree and the very reason why I decided to become one.

Over my teenage years, I was a bit of a handful, too say the least. My mom never gave up on trying to teach me lessons with each new mistake that I would make. She would always tell me that she wasn’t perfect but try to stop and think what she would do if she had the same problem that I was facing. In fact, she just wanted me to stop and think before I foolishly made my decisions. Back then I could be quite impulsive. I think it was just part of me and having attention deficit disorder.

I survived my childhood years. Between God and mom, somehow, I came out ornery, but I flourished. The same year I turned eighteen I graduated with honors, got married and had my son. Some say that eighteen is to young, but God blessed me. It wasn’t too many years later that we found out I couldn’t have any more kids. God had a plan and that little boy kept me on the straight and narrow and focused. He was just as ornery as I had once been.

Over time I had my share of wrongs and rights, ups and downs and with mom’s guidance and wisdom that she made me search for, I became a Social Worker with a degree. I found times of struggle and times of miracles but in the end,  I always found my way back to God and mom.

Mom’s come in all shapes and sizes, some blood and others not. Some teach with a loving hand while others teach by showing us things that we swear we will never expose our kids too. We learn and grow and develop into the people we are molded to be. Thank heavens none of our moms are perfect. As kids we also need to see that its ok to be human and mess up. It makes us learn to appreciate life more.

Morale of my story, I miss my mom daily, but her love and her wisdom are part of me in every path I walk down. I make my own choices in this life and I suffer my own consequences however; my moms voice and warm embrace will always guide me towards my tomorrows. I am thankful for every moment that I saw my mom reach out to others to help them. She taught me the value of giving and caring for others. As the years continue to pass I want to keep in mind what another friend told me this weekend. If she is remembered by just one person for helping someone then she has lead a fulfilling and meaningful life. My mother’s life was full of helping others, as is my friend’s life. Their legacies will live on as being known as such. So, a special thank you going out to my mother today! Thank you for making me think about more in this world than just myself! For showing me how to be true to what makes the world a better place and for remembering that Gods got a plan. I may not like everything that happens in my life but if I have any faith at all, God will take care of the rest. I only pray that my Legacy will be an inkling of my mothers. Stay true to what you know in your heart is right. The rest will come your way a step at a time. You just have to have Faith and believe. Thank you, mom, For teaching me to BELIEVE!

CAROLYN OWENS BARBEE FISHER HOFFMAN; June 26, 1947-1989

 

MISSED BY ALL WHO KNEW YOU!

Stepping Stones

Brandi McCain & Kim Barbee-Tucker: Kids Crts & Schools 10/5/17 Domestic Violence Presentation; Mt. Vernon, IL

Milestone or Bucketlist, either way today was a major accomplishment for me. We all have times in our lives that define what we want to be about. Its when or accomplishments unfold our dreams, right before us. Today was my first Conference Presentation. As I looked over the room I felt my knees go weak and my heart start to pound. There was standing room only. The hardest part began to be how to introduce myself. I had practiced the speech several times but not once had I attempted to give a description of who I was and what my accomplishments had been. I had listened to other speakers tell about theirselves but reviewing my accomplishments met that I would have to admit a starting point, an area of growth and a standing place that I was currently at. When you come from a background of Domestic Violence, giving yourself a pat on the back for a well done isnt always an easy task. Actually, quite often, building confidence is something that you have to work at. Today was the start to a Journey that I hope will continue. The belief of "More God, Less Me" was really helpfull. Thank you to several of my friends, their friends and all the prayers. Thank you for backing me up. Even my old boss was there. You all will not ever realize how much you empowered me just by you being in the room. A special thank you to Brandi for all your directing and correcting. It was nice to have your corrective guidance even if you were silent most of the time. You still got your point across. Thanks for not giving up on my obsessiveness. Well, here is to the start of a new Journey. Thanks to each of you who took the time to help the presentation happen. You know who you are and what your role has been. You never know what tomorrow may hold. Thanks for giving me stepping stones and leading me on to the next one.

A Trace of Mom

The day I was born I was lucky enough to feel Gods grace and he blessed me with one of the most beautiful loving mothers that he put on this earth. As I grew older I began to realize that not all moms were like my mom. She was warm and tender but she was strict and wise in her teachings. She taught me to look for the best in others while being careful as to protect myself from what dangers some can also contain. At a young age I lost her to cancer and I quickly learned to appreciate every minute that I could recall. My mom had been my best friend and teacher. It was not that she was always perfect or that I always did what she told me. It was more the fact that she was always there. No matter what I did or said, my mom let me know that she loved me and would listen even if I didn't like what her response was going to be. She had been my conscience and my backbone in multiple trials during our short 21 years together. So, when she left me I felt cheated and lost. I was angry and felt like God had left me alone.
 In time I started to discover that life wasn't all about me as a whole. It was about my interpretation on life and what God lies in and on our "Path" of life. I started to smile again at some of the most beautiful things. One day it was a baby laughing. The smile on her mothers face and the laughter that followed her daughters almost made tears come to my eyes. On another day I overheard a child asking her mom where babys come from. I waited quietly to see how she explained it to her. Was it the stork that delivered or was it an anatomy lesson with few details. Then came a day where I heard the comment, "Mom, do you think Johnny will always think that I am ugly?" That time mom tenderly searched for her words but I saw her look at the little girls dad and tell him shh because his desire was to search out this little boy who had been so mean to his princess. Moms are not just consolars to us, they are peace keepers to all involved.
As I continued to look through the many moments that we experience on the sidelines with other people, I began to find multiple stories that brought a trace of my own mom to my mind. I found that a smile on my face began to be a heart full of love that never died. Countless many other times I saw other moms slow down their fast paced lives just to explain to their children how life works. So many blessings in forms of kindness being smiles exchanged, cards, presents or just tight hugs and some soft spoken words.
 Mothers are all around us and although I may miss my own I have to give credit to some of the beautiful ones around me. I soon decided that its ok to miss my mom but its so much better to look for the wisdom that she brought to me in some of the other mothers. A mothers heart carries so much love, patience and understanding. They never truly leave us. Thankfully, if you take a moment and experience the world around you, you might just hear a familiar conversation. Most mothers bare the same soul. If your lucky, maybe you might just be asked for your wise opinion or a hug. Either one of these request from another mother or someone elses child, is a beautiful moment worth making a memory of. So I ask you, where can you find a trace of your mother? Better yet, where will your child find a trace of you?

Changing Views

A road well traveled

There are times that I can sit and grin and just think about the past with a certain kind of admiration. We all have highs and lows that we live in our lives but there are also changing events that mold us and make us exactly who we are suppose to be. I often wonder, what if? What if I would have kissed that boy? What if I would have went to school for this or that instead of Social Work. There are so many questions that a person could ask, but if you stay to long on those thoughts you might drive yourself insane.
Truth is, what if you would have done something different in your life? It all seems to have a way of working destiny back to where and who you are supposed to be. A lot of us believe that we are in control of our own lives. That's fine if you are one of those people, however, do you ever notice how things happen in your life to wind you around to a place that fits the person that you are. If your road that you choose hasn't put you at a comfortable place, then perhaps you need to change the road your on. Life isn't meant to be so hard. Its more of a Journey then it is anything.
They say that with age we become more hardened. Is it really that we are becoming rough around the edges or is it that we are reevaluating what's in our lives. Money is nice and at a certain age it becomes a necessity in order to take care of ourselves, however, its people who really make our worlds have meaning. We see life in a more simpler form. Why make life any more complicated than it has to be. Learn to laugh a little more instead of argue. Learning to choose the battles in life that are not so judgmental are the victories won. Do we really become angry because someone did something wrong or was the real truth that they didn't do it our way so we feel offended. Learn from watching others and not so much from speaking about what we have learned over the years. Some of us just want to be heard, not talked over. The ones who respect you and look to you for guidance will find their way to your front door. They wont forget your positive traits. They may on occasion need to be reminded to slow down and to breathe, but wait for them to look to you for answers. The young ones need a chance to discover a little about life before they can actually discuss it with us. People, especially our loved ones, are complicated. Just when you think you have them all figured out they go and change on you.
So, I guess with age, an insight must seem to develop. Life just isn't as powerful as it once was. Now, I am not saying that its not as important. What I am saying is that as we age we begin to look for the moments and situations in our lives that define our Journeys. The way we are viewed, the people who we have encountered, our Legacy left behind. All these things become more of a learning and teaching tool. What will others remember about me and what I have done, or said? Did anyone actually learn from either my mistakes or accomplishments? Living examples can say more about life and what it holds then any stories. Being careless becomes a thing of the past. As a person, it seems more important to teach the next generation about living and caring for others. The "Power" comes from relationships, the looking, sharing, teaching each other about how to be happy and enjoy the God given beauty right in front of us. It becomes less about me and more about the us in relationships. A different, changing view develops and the next Journey begins. Where are you at on your Journey?

"Teamwork" Making the World Around us Work for Us All.

When a smile finds it way to your heart as well as your face then you know that whatever is going on is a natural event. One where it just happens and does not have to be forced because its fake. Some moments just make you realize that when people feel the need to work as a whole for the better good of all involved then the pieces just seem to fall together naturally.
Living life as a Social Worker you can see so many different events in life, both good and bad. Perhaps, its because of the volume of people that we meet, greet and try to assist. Then again it could be the number of children that we "can meet" that seem to be lost and losing more ground everyday in this complicated world. There are good and troubled people every where we look but when you look closer you can see generations of people learning to live in a whole new way.
Many of our children are learning to adapt to some of the adults and yes even some of their own peers that they can find troublesome in their lives. The children are learning to become strong early on with the help of many advocates that pull together not only to assist the children who are hurting but their families as well.
Though I have talked about the pain involved and the difficulties that develop out of what some  children go through, this is not completely why I write this story. For today, I wanna point out that its noted how many people in this world have hard jobs. The number of those people who physically and mentally fall apart each day as they head home to their own families is unbelievable. My intentions, are to praise all those workers who sometimes turn their heads, or at least want to,  so others don't see them cry. Others who walk in a different room or at least make it to their vehicles after a  long day and cry because they just don't know if they helped someone make a good decision or not. If they used the exact words the person needed to know when a child or an adult ask them if they have to go back to the place that they keep getting hurt at. So many of us advocates in this world are there to assist but all to many times we are a band-aid on the situations. The important part is that we never stop trying to make someones world a little better. Its true that we could harp on all the bad things that we see but then who would be left to tell about all the positives that come out of some of this worlds biggest disasters.
We all learn from what we see and experience from the world we live in. Whether we are an adult or a young child we learn and develop into bigger and better or at least more complicated decision makers.
I recently have watched a team of advocates share details and work with other legal advocates to change lives in this world. They were awesome as they gave information, accepted information, listened to suggestions and openly discussed new directions. It was a reminder to me that being an advocate is not about who is right or wrong or even who can do more than another. Its about joining together for whatever population you are helping at the time. Presenting a strong front while being open to new suggestions and direction for all involved. Its about being a "Team Player." A strong person, an assertive but not aggressive person who is willing to practice "TEAMWORK." I am lucky to have some team players on my team and to be fortunate enough to see many other advocates work along side each other for the betterment of all involved. I want to send out a special praise to not only all the Team players I know but many others that I hear about everyday. Without us, without all of you advocates, many of those we help would be lost and left to wonder. Thank You for all you do! Alone we are a voice but together we are a force to be reckoned with!

Standing Alone

 

When we are small children we tend to look for strong arms. For someone to love and direct us to a world thats safe and secure. A place where we learn and grow to be wise and content. Its a world that seems to only exist when we are little. Reality sets in that we are safe as long as we hold true to the beliefs from when we were children. Our beliefs have a way of branching us out, molding us and making us who we are meant to be. The days spent fishing with grandpa or cooking with grandma seem to disappear over the years. Perhaps our memories are a little different. For me and my cousins, it was "mud pies" on grandmas front porch and grandpas games of being "a bump on a log." Occasionally it was the smell of grandmas friend chicken, mashed potatoes and milk gravy. Still those smells bring a smile to my face. Just the thought of Grandpa and his "Juicy Fruit gum." So many warm memories and the sounds of voices that kept me encouraged day after day to attempt to fill my dreams, whatever they may have been. Now we have grandchildren of our own and I often think of and wonder what memories they will hold dear to them. What will I do or say that will keep them safe and secure in the future to come. Will it be a word, an action or maybe several different combinations. The belief has become, to find a daily positive in our lives because you never know what might make them strong in years to come. What they might take with them in their struggles. What moment might they think of that will help them to branch out and reach for what they want. Begining from a young age, character is born and encouraged.... to stand alone is inevitable but "Standing Alone" with memories backing us is amazing and thats what keeps us strong through whatever may come our way...

The Rhythm of The White Tennis Shoes

People come in all sizes and styles. There are some who are loud and in your face while others may be quite and observant. From time to time, a person can be still and see the world in a very new and different light. If you are lucky, you may see many different sides to the old and young. On one such occasion, I sat silently on a Sunday morning enjoying the Message being delivered by our Preacher. He was strong and steady with his points and his jokes were funny and made us all rumble with laughter. We had a full house and as many Church families do, we all were on are best behavior in Gods house. We had some extra guest that morning and to our delight they were all musicians. The Church was full of song and young and old alike seemed to be focused on the stage. As they moved to a special singing the uplifting spirit continued. As I looked out over row after row of people a smile came to my face as I saw how everyone was joined together clapping and singing along with the music. They were all belting out the same bluegrass Christian Song as they kept the beat with their hands and feet. As the song was about to end, a pair of white tennis shoes caught my eye. They were in the row ahead of me and were moving quite vigorously keeping the Rhythm of the music in check. As I continued to look up to see the face of the owner of those shoes I discovered a nice surprise in a smiling face. A tear fell to my check. Mr B, a long time member of our church, was at the other end. Mr B was always quiet and reserved. He never talked out of place or made any noise about anything. He had recently been ill and had been recovering from a stroke. He was known for being a faithful Christian who always attended church but rarely sang or ventured towards helping others. He never missed a day at church if the door was open. Little did we all know that our 85 year old Mr B loved Bluegrass Christian music and those white tennis shoes were connected to the boogieing feet that kept him alive.