For A Second, It Felt Like Yesterday.

Sometimes it's easy to get lost in the daily movements of our lives. To wake up, get ready for work and to then begin our day as every other day. We slowly go through the movements, always heading towards another place, another appointment, or maybe even another conclusion to out steppingstones in our lives in order to begin another section of our lives. If you're lucky, you might cross the path of an old memory along the way. One that emotionally grabs hold of you and slams your heart up against a wall just long enough to remind you how fortunate you have been to share your life with someone else. A memory that stuns you and then brings you to tears because you feel the love and then the hurt all within seconds of each other.

I remember a time when I was driving and I approached a four way stop in a daze. I was just going through the motions heading out to start my day. My heart began to ache, right after my body tingled and I felt so warm all over with this crazy smile hanging on my face. Tears came and flowed with ease down my face. All in a matter of seconds. I wasn't doing anything but driving towards starting my day. The truth is, sometimes that's when we need the reminders to spark our lives and to set us free from the occasional pain that can stall us in life. 

I was not paying attention to the world around me, but sometimes our hearts find a way to hang on to the beautiful moments that help us to stay whole. The times that you feel so loved and worthy to be loved. My heart and my mind had heard a song on the radio that sparked the smile. The smile sparked a warm memory and the love for my mom took over without a thought. For a second it felt like she was in the car with me, talking to me, supporting me like she had done since I was so little. 

I had heard that song multiple times, but it had never affected me the same way that it did on that morning. The words had not changed, and the meanings of the lyrics were all the same that they had always been. So why? Why did God choose that moment on that particular day to give me both love and pain. I choose to believe that I needed to remember her and how it felt to be loved in the way that she had always loved me. I needed her strength, her examples, her guidance and perhaps to remember that I am never alone. She has not left me she has only went before me and I will see her again. 

Although I don't understand why God does the things that he sometimes does, I do know that it's his plan and I do not have to make sense of it. He will give me what I need when I least deserve it and when I am in full bloom as well. It will be 37 years, on 3/20/26 since I lost my mom and, in an instant, the love and the pain are making it feel like she just left me. I often tell people to celebrate their loved ones who have passed on and remember them in a positive way when you're hurting. I still believe these words, but I also believe that you have to shed a few tears as well. Remember to be thankful as well for all the blessings that you received from having them in your life.

I am sending out some love for mom on this anniversary of her being in heaven. I am still thankful that God gave her to me as a teacher, a protector, a friend, an encourager and most of all, as a mother. 

Carolyn Sue Owens Barbee Fisher Hoffman 1947-1989 

Always will be, "The Wind Beneath My Wings"

More Than What We Can See

 As we talked, I felt the warmth of a person with such a good heart. They had been beat up so much emotionally that they doubted who they were. They doubted their self-worth. Their life had been hard since their first breath. Yet, they continued to move forward step by step, day by day and finally, year by year until they were able to escape their own prisons of pain. Meeting them, holding a conversation, you would never guess how deep their pain and sorrow was. As the tears flowed and I heard the details of their life and how a fight happened daily inside of them just to survive, I began realizing how easy it could be for someone to hide inside themselves and not let anyone in. How struggling to stay safe can sometimes mean making yourself small enough that you can hide in the shadows in order to not bring any attention to yourself. On occasion, it's the person that's the loudest and who seems to be the most dangerous that is scared the most. They are the ones who portray to be the toughest and the craziest in order to keep danger and possible permanent injuries away from themselves. If they don't talk to others or even make a doubt appear that they could have, then the chances of being blamed for telling all the secrets becomes less and their safety blanket is made. 

We all are different and are made as individuals for many reasons. Some of us can get lost and start to become judgy or critical of others when we don't even start to know how their mornings begin. We don't know how lunch is served or if it is served. When it's time to sleep, are they able to, or are they afraid to close their eyes because maybe, their monsters are real.  We all have layers of our thoughts and emotions, with living and breathing negative and positive examples of how we are to conduct our daily lives. Some of us are blessed and learn a positive, nurturing side of life that helps us to grow and makes our life fuller and better. Others of us have to fight daily in order to maintain who we want to be, who we feel we are. Many of us forget that struggles, pain and even survival does not make us less of a person. People hurt and then they hurt each other. We all have layer upon layers of experiences that either tear us down and make us feel helpless or we can use them to remember that we are all important, no one any less or any more than another. Everyone struggles in life. Respect that everyone's limits are different as to what they can handle. Think before you speak and don't take it personal if someone is not your friend or not trusting when maybe all your trying to do is help them to be strong. Some have had a lifetime of protecting themselves and not knowing what trust or even hope means. The next time you see someone acting not exactly the way you think they should be, ask yourself why. Don't be the person who forgets that there is always, "MORE THAN WHAT WE CAN SEE."

Mistakes and Faith Of a Mustard Seed

 

I was never created to be perfect. How boring that would be. So many different sides of me. So much life going so many different ways through the years. 

When I was young, I saw firsthand what it was like to help others. My parents might not always have had what they wanted, but we always had what we needed and then some to share when others were without. My dad ran his own mechanic shop and my mom, well, let's just say that many thought she was a born Social Worker. She never had a degree, but she knew what people needed and had a way of making sure that they were taken care of. My dad was made from the same cloth. He was tough but his heart was always looking out for someone. He was always active and in the middle of helping whoever needed him at the time. I quickly grew to have a respect for my parents as caregivers. I once met a family who had been traveling and they had car trouble along the way. I can remember how attentive my family was to their needs. They may have entered our home as strangers, but they left as friends. 

As I grew older, I saw many family members and friends move in and out of our lives. Some lived with us, some visited while others were our neighbors. We all had a common bond and we all stayed close to each other, especially when times were hard. Our family was definitely defined by more than just blood. My mom was one of eight brother and sisters. My dad was one of six. They both had lived a hard life, but they knew what love was and what sacrifice meant.  

Next door to us was the man that my dad looked up to and completely respected. He was my great grandpa and in his earlier years my dad had lived with him and my great grandma. They both showed him about how to do Gods biding. I have never heard my dad define it that way but with all the lives that dad touched and changed, it was Gods biding. Dad would just say that you should always help your neighbor. Now don't get me wrong. From what I understand my dad challenged my Grandpa Burkett, but dad's mom was ornery, so I believe that he was prepared for dad. I think he probably even looked forward to my dad's orneriness.  I would sometimes stay with Grandpa Burkett, and he would feed me ritz crackers and tell me about God and actually show me the pictures in the bible.  So, I guess I started learning early about giving to others. Now that I think about it, I had some pretty good teachers. Thankfully, they thought it was important for me to learn about God and about how his strength and grace gave so many the faith and hope they needed to see them through whatever hard times came their way. 

As I got older, I discovered a lot of things about people. Sometimes my lessons were good and heartwarming. On other occasions my heart or another's, would be saddened and feel like it had been stomped on repeatedly. I was fortunate because I had someone to turn too in order to jump start me again. God became my stabilizer and with the faith and hope that he supplied to me, I had learned to depend on God's grace. I eventually became that Social Worker that my mom portrayed, but I found myself always wanting to give more and more. 

In my own challenges and in those of others, I found that when you live life to the fullest you sometimes can find yourself being knocked down again and again. People are the most loving creatures, but they also can be the most critical. All people, no matter who we are, need love and understanding or it creates a hole of emptiness. There are not easy answers when dealing with pain whether it's our own or another's. This is why there are so many reasons as to why God has given all of us free will. We may not understand why some of us have more trouble than others in our lives, but you need to respect them as you want them to respect you. We need to realize that we are not walking in their shoes, so we do not know the power of what has happened to them or they to us.  

Learning to fall is how we learn to forgive. How can you learn humility and how to be humble without seeing or feeling it for yourself? How can you learn to appreciate what is God given every day if you do not take the time to look? Our challenges and our growths go together. No one is perfect and all of us are born to fall, to learn and to grow over and over. We are not the ones who are allowed to judge. No matter the crime, the event or the loss of others, we are not to judge. We are no better than the next. 

Sometimes it's a hard lesson but eventually we get it. We learn that our lives are already set in motion and everything, every person or event molds and makes changes in multiple people's lives. It's not always about us as an individual or what we believe is right or wrong. Recovering from our mistakes takes time and is part of life. When u believe in God and you practice having the faith of a mustard seed, the littlest of all seeds, you can hope again and believe that he will bring you through your roughest times. When you believe that God already knows every one of your deepest darkest secrets and yet he still wants to be in your life, beside you day in and day out! Then you can raise your head and begin to heal like you are supposed to. Let him carry you to where you need to be.  Change, Growth, and Development, anything and everything is possible with God. Just believe and let him do the rest. 

Every Day, in Every Way

 

Time is suppose to be a Healer. A pain Reducer! A development in your life that over several repeating days into years, quiets our heartbeats. It is created to allow us growth in order to teach us not to hold such a pounding, body shaking, tears streaming effect on our very existence. Thirty-three years later and I can still cry a river on how much "I" miss my loved ones, especially my mom. If you are close to someone we learn that it is normal to always cry for what is absent in our lives. The making of new memories and the old memories clash. Why cant I have new ones, yet I know how lucky I am for experiencing the old. Each moment that I recall, I cry and then I rejoice. 

I do not write to be sad. I write to smile as a tear rolls down my cheek. So many memories! So many beautiful moments! The souls that I miss, they were one of a kind. No other can come close to how they affected me and directed my life. They gave me a purpose that at the time I did not understand. Now, I can see how they left their impressions on this world. Whether it be by their influence on a person, place or moment, they were unique and no other could have done as they did. That's what I want to remember! That's what I choose to remember and to carry on! 

Our moments of pain are not always about us. God never promised that we would be with the ones we love forever. He promised for a time, in which he determines their stay. When we feel pain, its hard to see clearly or to let anything, especially another emotional thought, in to our realm of common sense.

 Losing others is truly not always about us, no matter how close they are to us. Sometimes there are others who have lessons to learn and they need direction. "I" never knew where my mother and I separated because her and I where so much a like. She was my rock, my backbone, my true strength when all other was so out of my reach. She remains the wind beneath my wings, stabilizing me with all of her wisdom but I have found my beginning. I never needed to define us but now I understand the difference and the direction that I must go that my mother never could have traveled. I am blessed to have had an amazing teacher and to have been watched over by such a great woman. I miss so many of my loved ones EVERY DAY, however; I am thankful that in EVERY WAY of my life they each had an influence. 

What Does Tomorrow Bring

When we raise our heads first thing in the morning, we instantly begin to think about how our day will go. We feel the dread or the excitement for what is yet to come. It mind sets the tone for how our day will be dealt with. If our thoughts are strong then we can direct our minds to look for what we want to find. If others around us are the strong ones then they can easily direct our way. 

When we start to question life and our daily decisions then we start to find out who we really are. In life we begin to discover what it is that we want and what it is going to take of ourselves to get there. If we determine the direction we want to go then it makes it easier for us to obtain what we want. If you visualize the package that you are striving for then you can determine the steps to get there. 

So, if its a mind set then what other factors need to be considered in order to get what you are after? Thinking about the necessary steps is the first thing needed in order to put a plan together, however, you also need to list some rules and lines not to cross. We have to determine how to reach for what we want while always remembering to have the human touch first. Other people matter just as much as we do and along our Journey we have lessons to learn and lessons to share. This is where the rules and boundaries come in. 

Its ok to want things in life and to set goals but its not ok to hurt people along the way to obtaining your goals and desires. Karma is real and believe it or not, Karma will set you straight when you least expect it. So, don't do things to others that you know you don't  want done to you. There are no gray areas! You do know the difference between right and wrong! Use that common sense! If you mess up, we all do sometimes, admit it and be the bigger person. Move forward, learn from it and grow! No Journey is flawless or easy. So don't expect it to be!

Everyone's Journey is different. Their steps are put together differently and we need to respect others and their decisions. We are all not made the same. Think about how boring this world would be if we were. We may not agree with everyone in  our lives but that's what makes us individuals. See the examples of life around you and learn from them. Look for a little happiness and get rid of the word perfection. No one is perfect and it just puts way to much stress and pressure on us. Learn to live and direct your life and not let it take over you! 

So when deciding what tomorrow holds for you, remember to set your mind on a positive path! Stay focused taking each step at a time. Stay true to yourself but don't create excuses when you do wrong. You need to be the example setter and pay forward what is given your way. It is true that it takes a village to raise a child. Be part of that raising and in turn, only God knows how far you may go!

 

How Could I Not!

 As I set on the bus I could hear quiet chatter all around me. It had been a long day and my friend and I were headed home from a day trip in St. Charles Missouri. She began talking to me about life in general and asking about the family and friends that we both deeply cared about. When we got to the update on our jobs, she lowered her voice and very shyly said, "How can you do the job that you do?" I just smiled, looked at her and said, "How could I not!" She had a puzzled look on her face so I instantly began to feel the need to explain myself and so, our conversation began. 

She was already aware of the fact that I was an Advocate for children, but as we began our discussion, I soon realized that she really did not know what I did. I started explaining how children in this world do not always have a say in what happens in their lives. They are most often loved, but because of their desire to be loved, and wanted, they can also easily be persuaded to do as others want them to in order to stay in their good graces. To be accepted by someone you love is such a deep, heartfelt need. A child can quickly find themselves in dangerous situations when they are trying to please others. Feelings of being helpless, being worthless and even being unlovable can slip into their minds. 

An Advocate, no matter what profession they are from, or what age of the person they are advocating for, that Advocate, is at times, a lifeline. We are there when the rest of the world steps out. Advocates are the ones who give confirmation in stating that we see them, they are not alone. We show them acceptance for who they are while giving them connections to others, who if they choose to make the connections, these people could possibly change their lives forever. The positive or negative changes lie with the person that we are advocating for. Their growth and change in direction is about having someone to first recognize that they exist. About, people acknowledging that someone cares and believes in them. 

Most often those who are being advocated for have been lost and are lonely. They feel that there is never going to be a light at the end of the tunnel for them, until they meet that one person. That one Advocate that reminds them of how important they are and of the plans for their future that have yet to be developed. It doesn't matter if the Advocate is a Teacher, a Social Worker, an Officer, a Counselor or the neighbor next door. No matter how old or young a person is, we all need an Advocate on our side. 

As I wiped a tear from  my check,  I simply said to my friend, "How could I not be an Advocate"? Not every day is a positive day but, everyday is a day full of possibility. As an Advocate, we always want to do our best to be present for who needs us. The thing  about being an Advocate though, is that somedays, the ones we thought we were helping, end up being our inspiration. Everyone, needs someone!

As I saw my friend wipe a tear from her face it occurred to me that the chattering on the bus had stopped. I thought I was sharing my explanation with my friend, alone. It turns out, we had an audience and several of them had developed a case of the sniffles. 

Power, the Influence of a Parent

As I read over others words, I couldn’t help but smile. It all made me think of when my son was little and how often he would wake me up in the middle of the night. How many times I would wake up to find him in bed beside me or in the floor curled up with a pillow and a cover. I even remembered the knocks at my door only to find my daughter calling out my name or touching my shoulder to wake me up. Whether the wake-up call was in tears, with a smile or just one for safety, it was all important to them and in turn to us as well.

A child is so tender and its true that parents have a kind of power that can make or break them. Reality confirms that you don’t actually know how you will influence your children. If your too strict will it make them go wild. If your too lenient will it invite nothing but trouble into their lives. Sometimes it the most horrible parents that create a child who becomes the most amazing parent ever, all because they swear never to be like there parents were to them.

The story I was reading told of someone who saw how much influence they had on their children and perhaps, they realized how important their job was as a parent. They saw the fear and the beauty in what they did and said and the responsibility as well. 

There is no true book that is right or wrong, good or bad as to how to raise a child. It is always, almost true that what we think they will remember as the most important thing from our time together turns out to be the farthest from their favorite memory.

I loved seeing the insight into another parents’ thoughts on their children. It helps us all to see another view and to know that we are not alone.  Too often in today’s world we see and hear more about parents and less about what children need from us and how they learn from what they see us say and do. The “Me” Generation does not always do our children any favors. Children cannot learn respect for themselves and others unless they see and hear it in their lives.

Mean words and accusations do not grow a strong self-esteem. Blaming someone for wrong they have done and repeatedly bringing up a person’s downfalls is not a way to help them grow and become independent. I always told my son that it was his behavior that I did not like, but behaviors have nothing to do with me loving him. Loving a child is constant, liking what he/she does fluctuates in life but that’s how we all learn, is from our mistakes. Its up to us as parents to help them process their rights and wrongs and guide them in being better people then even we are. Doesn’t mean they should rule our roost just that they deserve to be heard and respected.

But Wasn't He

In the Distance I could hear the roar of my phone. It became louder and louder as the voices in the room began to disappear. There was only one reason they would be calling. It had to be because of him. I immediately had a fear come over me. This time, may just be the last time.

As I called her back my fears were confirmed. As we traveled to the Hospital the tears rolled down my face. So many memories began to run through my mind. My teenage years babysitting. So many nights spent with the three siblings.  So many blessings that I found myself treasuring each one of them.

As we entered the Hospital, I feared the worst. I couldn't see anything but the pain in my heart. There was no room for any other thoughts. As  I neared the doorway, my heart felt as if it dropped and I began to cry. I couldn't understand! What, why was all this happening?

A heavy heart began to ease and I found myself breathing again. It was him and he wasn't gasping as I had feared. He was talking, very strong and loudly. I could hear him outside the door. I was in awe.

As we entered the room it was proof that the voice I heard was his. He sat on the bed, stretched out, hooked up to machines with his bible in his hand.  Of the 38 years that I had watched him grow, I had never saw him through the same eyes that I saw him through on this day.

He was a man of God and on this day he was a Teacher of what God had to say. We spent hours together that day. His voice was so powerful, believable and carried hope with each word spoken. It was easy to look beyond the breathing machines. It was as if he had a story to get out before he left this world and God was on his side. He mesmerized us all!

As he and I talked later, we discussed where God was that day. I smiled and told him, "He was in the room with you!" He then asked me why I thought that. As I slowly processed what he was asking me, a big smile came over my face. "But wasn't He? Kyle's body was starting to reject his lungs but God in all his glory found a way to let Kyle be a faithful servant that day. He preached all about God's word to so many different people who walked into that room. He was ready to go home. Even after all he had been through during his lifetime, he was still so excited at the thought of seeing God. Kyle would say, "If I lead only one person to God, then my work is done!" He inspired many, including me!

Kyle James Harwell
   August 6, 1980 to March 3, 2019

MOMS LESSONS

It’s been an empowering weekend full of discoveries and emotions. The weekend started with time being spent with friends who share my faith. It lead into a second day of inspiration, hard work and recognition of important moments in my life. This week being the 29^th anniversary of my mom’s passing, it is always a time of reminiscing.  One of the ladies demanded that we think about the times in our lives where we approached a life changing interaction. An interaction that forever created a different path on this road we travel called a Journey.

My earliest memory I can think of was when my dad owned his own mechanics shop in Kinmundy. I was maybe in the second or third grade and there was a family that their car had broken down. I remember that day that we had a few extra mouths to feed. After that day, I seem to see my parents in a bit of a different light. When my mom and dad separated I continued to see my mom and her giving soul. I always said she was a Social Worker without a degree and the very reason why I decided to become one.

Over my teenage years, I was a bit of a handful, too say the least. My mom never gave up on trying to teach me lessons with each new mistake that I would make. She would always tell me that she wasn’t perfect but try to stop and think what she would do if she had the same problem that I was facing. In fact, she just wanted me to stop and think before I foolishly made my decisions. Back then I could be quite impulsive. I think it was just part of me and having attention deficit disorder.

I survived my childhood years. Between God and mom, somehow, I came out ornery, but I flourished. The same year I turned eighteen I graduated with honors, got married and had my son. Some say that eighteen is to young, but God blessed me. It wasn’t too many years later that we found out I couldn’t have any more kids. God had a plan and that little boy kept me on the straight and narrow and focused. He was just as ornery as I had once been.

Over time I had my share of wrongs and rights, ups and downs and with mom’s guidance and wisdom that she made me search for, I became a Social Worker with a degree. I found times of struggle and times of miracles but in the end,  I always found my way back to God and mom.

Mom’s come in all shapes and sizes, some blood and others not. Some teach with a loving hand while others teach by showing us things that we swear we will never expose our kids too. We learn and grow and develop into the people we are molded to be. Thank heavens none of our moms are perfect. As kids we also need to see that its ok to be human and mess up. It makes us learn to appreciate life more.

Morale of my story, I miss my mom daily, but her love and her wisdom are part of me in every path I walk down. I make my own choices in this life and I suffer my own consequences however; my moms voice and warm embrace will always guide me towards my tomorrows. I am thankful for every moment that I saw my mom reach out to others to help them. She taught me the value of giving and caring for others. As the years continue to pass I want to keep in mind what another friend told me this weekend. If she is remembered by just one person for helping someone then she has lead a fulfilling and meaningful life. My mother’s life was full of helping others, as is my friend’s life. Their legacies will live on as being known as such. So, a special thank you going out to my mother today! Thank you for making me think about more in this world than just myself! For showing me how to be true to what makes the world a better place and for remembering that Gods got a plan. I may not like everything that happens in my life but if I have any faith at all, God will take care of the rest. I only pray that my Legacy will be an inkling of my mothers. Stay true to what you know in your heart is right. The rest will come your way a step at a time. You just have to have Faith and believe. Thank you, mom, For teaching me to BELIEVE!

CAROLYN OWENS BARBEE FISHER HOFFMAN; June 26, 1947-1989

 

MISSED BY ALL WHO KNEW YOU!

Stepping Stones

Brandi McCain & Kim Barbee-Tucker: Kids Crts & Schools 10/5/17 Domestic Violence Presentation; Mt. Vernon, IL

Milestone or Bucketlist, either way today was a major accomplishment for me. We all have times in our lives that define what we want to be about. Its when or accomplishments unfold our dreams, right before us. Today was my first Conference Presentation. As I looked over the room I felt my knees go weak and my heart start to pound. There was standing room only. The hardest part began to be how to introduce myself. I had practiced the speech several times but not once had I attempted to give a description of who I was and what my accomplishments had been. I had listened to other speakers tell about theirselves but reviewing my accomplishments met that I would have to admit a starting point, an area of growth and a standing place that I was currently at. When you come from a background of Domestic Violence, giving yourself a pat on the back for a well done isnt always an easy task. Actually, quite often, building confidence is something that you have to work at. Today was the start to a Journey that I hope will continue. The belief of "More God, Less Me" was really helpfull. Thank you to several of my friends, their friends and all the prayers. Thank you for backing me up. Even my old boss was there. You all will not ever realize how much you empowered me just by you being in the room. A special thank you to Brandi for all your directing and correcting. It was nice to have your corrective guidance even if you were silent most of the time. You still got your point across. Thanks for not giving up on my obsessiveness. Well, here is to the start of a new Journey. Thanks to each of you who took the time to help the presentation happen. You know who you are and what your role has been. You never know what tomorrow may hold. Thanks for giving me stepping stones and leading me on to the next one.

A Trace of Mom

The day I was born I was lucky enough to feel Gods grace and he blessed me with one of the most beautiful loving mothers that he put on this earth. As I grew older I began to realize that not all moms were like my mom. She was warm and tender but she was strict and wise in her teachings. She taught me to look for the best in others while being careful as to protect myself from what dangers some can also contain. At a young age I lost her to cancer and I quickly learned to appreciate every minute that I could recall. My mom had been my best friend and teacher. It was not that she was always perfect or that I always did what she told me. It was more the fact that she was always there. No matter what I did or said, my mom let me know that she loved me and would listen even if I didn't like what her response was going to be. She had been my conscience and my backbone in multiple trials during our short 21 years together. So, when she left me I felt cheated and lost. I was angry and felt like God had left me alone.
 In time I started to discover that life wasn't all about me as a whole. It was about my interpretation on life and what God lies in and on our "Path" of life. I started to smile again at some of the most beautiful things. One day it was a baby laughing. The smile on her mothers face and the laughter that followed her daughters almost made tears come to my eyes. On another day I overheard a child asking her mom where babys come from. I waited quietly to see how she explained it to her. Was it the stork that delivered or was it an anatomy lesson with few details. Then came a day where I heard the comment, "Mom, do you think Johnny will always think that I am ugly?" That time mom tenderly searched for her words but I saw her look at the little girls dad and tell him shh because his desire was to search out this little boy who had been so mean to his princess. Moms are not just consolars to us, they are peace keepers to all involved.
As I continued to look through the many moments that we experience on the sidelines with other people, I began to find multiple stories that brought a trace of my own mom to my mind. I found that a smile on my face began to be a heart full of love that never died. Countless many other times I saw other moms slow down their fast paced lives just to explain to their children how life works. So many blessings in forms of kindness being smiles exchanged, cards, presents or just tight hugs and some soft spoken words.
 Mothers are all around us and although I may miss my own I have to give credit to some of the beautiful ones around me. I soon decided that its ok to miss my mom but its so much better to look for the wisdom that she brought to me in some of the other mothers. A mothers heart carries so much love, patience and understanding. They never truly leave us. Thankfully, if you take a moment and experience the world around you, you might just hear a familiar conversation. Most mothers bare the same soul. If your lucky, maybe you might just be asked for your wise opinion or a hug. Either one of these request from another mother or someone elses child, is a beautiful moment worth making a memory of. So I ask you, where can you find a trace of your mother? Better yet, where will your child find a trace of you?

Changing Views

A road well traveled

There are times that I can sit and grin and just think about the past with a certain kind of admiration. We all have highs and lows that we live in our lives but there are also changing events that mold us and make us exactly who we are suppose to be. I often wonder, what if? What if I would have kissed that boy? What if I would have went to school for this or that instead of Social Work. There are so many questions that a person could ask, but if you stay to long on those thoughts you might drive yourself insane.
Truth is, what if you would have done something different in your life? It all seems to have a way of working destiny back to where and who you are supposed to be. A lot of us believe that we are in control of our own lives. That's fine if you are one of those people, however, do you ever notice how things happen in your life to wind you around to a place that fits the person that you are. If your road that you choose hasn't put you at a comfortable place, then perhaps you need to change the road your on. Life isn't meant to be so hard. Its more of a Journey then it is anything.
They say that with age we become more hardened. Is it really that we are becoming rough around the edges or is it that we are reevaluating what's in our lives. Money is nice and at a certain age it becomes a necessity in order to take care of ourselves, however, its people who really make our worlds have meaning. We see life in a more simpler form. Why make life any more complicated than it has to be. Learn to laugh a little more instead of argue. Learning to choose the battles in life that are not so judgmental are the victories won. Do we really become angry because someone did something wrong or was the real truth that they didn't do it our way so we feel offended. Learn from watching others and not so much from speaking about what we have learned over the years. Some of us just want to be heard, not talked over. The ones who respect you and look to you for guidance will find their way to your front door. They wont forget your positive traits. They may on occasion need to be reminded to slow down and to breathe, but wait for them to look to you for answers. The young ones need a chance to discover a little about life before they can actually discuss it with us. People, especially our loved ones, are complicated. Just when you think you have them all figured out they go and change on you.
So, I guess with age, an insight must seem to develop. Life just isn't as powerful as it once was. Now, I am not saying that its not as important. What I am saying is that as we age we begin to look for the moments and situations in our lives that define our Journeys. The way we are viewed, the people who we have encountered, our Legacy left behind. All these things become more of a learning and teaching tool. What will others remember about me and what I have done, or said? Did anyone actually learn from either my mistakes or accomplishments? Living examples can say more about life and what it holds then any stories. Being careless becomes a thing of the past. As a person, it seems more important to teach the next generation about living and caring for others. The "Power" comes from relationships, the looking, sharing, teaching each other about how to be happy and enjoy the God given beauty right in front of us. It becomes less about me and more about the us in relationships. A different, changing view develops and the next Journey begins. Where are you at on your Journey?

"Teamwork" Making the World Around us Work for Us All.

When a smile finds it way to your heart as well as your face then you know that whatever is going on is a natural event. One where it just happens and does not have to be forced because its fake. Some moments just make you realize that when people feel the need to work as a whole for the better good of all involved then the pieces just seem to fall together naturally.
Living life as a Social Worker you can see so many different events in life, both good and bad. Perhaps, its because of the volume of people that we meet, greet and try to assist. Then again it could be the number of children that we "can meet" that seem to be lost and losing more ground everyday in this complicated world. There are good and troubled people every where we look but when you look closer you can see generations of people learning to live in a whole new way.
Many of our children are learning to adapt to some of the adults and yes even some of their own peers that they can find troublesome in their lives. The children are learning to become strong early on with the help of many advocates that pull together not only to assist the children who are hurting but their families as well.
Though I have talked about the pain involved and the difficulties that develop out of what some  children go through, this is not completely why I write this story. For today, I wanna point out that its noted how many people in this world have hard jobs. The number of those people who physically and mentally fall apart each day as they head home to their own families is unbelievable. My intentions, are to praise all those workers who sometimes turn their heads, or at least want to,  so others don't see them cry. Others who walk in a different room or at least make it to their vehicles after a  long day and cry because they just don't know if they helped someone make a good decision or not. If they used the exact words the person needed to know when a child or an adult ask them if they have to go back to the place that they keep getting hurt at. So many of us advocates in this world are there to assist but all to many times we are a band-aid on the situations. The important part is that we never stop trying to make someones world a little better. Its true that we could harp on all the bad things that we see but then who would be left to tell about all the positives that come out of some of this worlds biggest disasters.
We all learn from what we see and experience from the world we live in. Whether we are an adult or a young child we learn and develop into bigger and better or at least more complicated decision makers.
I recently have watched a team of advocates share details and work with other legal advocates to change lives in this world. They were awesome as they gave information, accepted information, listened to suggestions and openly discussed new directions. It was a reminder to me that being an advocate is not about who is right or wrong or even who can do more than another. Its about joining together for whatever population you are helping at the time. Presenting a strong front while being open to new suggestions and direction for all involved. Its about being a "Team Player." A strong person, an assertive but not aggressive person who is willing to practice "TEAMWORK." I am lucky to have some team players on my team and to be fortunate enough to see many other advocates work along side each other for the betterment of all involved. I want to send out a special praise to not only all the Team players I know but many others that I hear about everyday. Without us, without all of you advocates, many of those we help would be lost and left to wonder. Thank You for all you do! Alone we are a voice but together we are a force to be reckoned with!

Standing Alone

 

When we are small children we tend to look for strong arms. For someone to love and direct us to a world thats safe and secure. A place where we learn and grow to be wise and content. Its a world that seems to only exist when we are little. Reality sets in that we are safe as long as we hold true to the beliefs from when we were children. Our beliefs have a way of branching us out, molding us and making us who we are meant to be. The days spent fishing with grandpa or cooking with grandma seem to disappear over the years. Perhaps our memories are a little different. For me and my cousins, it was "mud pies" on grandmas front porch and grandpas games of being "a bump on a log." Occasionally it was the smell of grandmas friend chicken, mashed potatoes and milk gravy. Still those smells bring a smile to my face. Just the thought of Grandpa and his "Juicy Fruit gum." So many warm memories and the sounds of voices that kept me encouraged day after day to attempt to fill my dreams, whatever they may have been. Now we have grandchildren of our own and I often think of and wonder what memories they will hold dear to them. What will I do or say that will keep them safe and secure in the future to come. Will it be a word, an action or maybe several different combinations. The belief has become, to find a daily positive in our lives because you never know what might make them strong in years to come. What they might take with them in their struggles. What moment might they think of that will help them to branch out and reach for what they want. Begining from a young age, character is born and encouraged.... to stand alone is inevitable but "Standing Alone" with memories backing us is amazing and thats what keeps us strong through whatever may come our way...

The Rhythm of The White Tennis Shoes

People come in all sizes and styles. There are some who are loud and in your face while others may be quite and observant. From time to time, a person can be still and see the world in a very new and different light. If you are lucky, you may see many different sides to the old and young. On one such occasion, I sat silently on a Sunday morning enjoying the Message being delivered by our Preacher. He was strong and steady with his points and his jokes were funny and made us all rumble with laughter. We had a full house and as many Church families do, we all were on are best behavior in Gods house. We had some extra guest that morning and to our delight they were all musicians. The Church was full of song and young and old alike seemed to be focused on the stage. As they moved to a special singing the uplifting spirit continued. As I looked out over row after row of people a smile came to my face as I saw how everyone was joined together clapping and singing along with the music. They were all belting out the same bluegrass Christian Song as they kept the beat with their hands and feet. As the song was about to end, a pair of white tennis shoes caught my eye. They were in the row ahead of me and were moving quite vigorously keeping the Rhythm of the music in check. As I continued to look up to see the face of the owner of those shoes I discovered a nice surprise in a smiling face. A tear fell to my check. Mr B, a long time member of our church, was at the other end. Mr B was always quiet and reserved. He never talked out of place or made any noise about anything. He had recently been ill and had been recovering from a stroke. He was known for being a faithful Christian who always attended church but rarely sang or ventured towards helping others. He never missed a day at church if the door was open. Little did we all know that our 85 year old Mr B loved Bluegrass Christian music and those white tennis shoes were connected to the boogieing feet that kept him alive.

AT What Point

Life delivers us where it wants us to be. In the lives that call our names and the hearts that bring out the best and the worst in us all. Some where in between we discover that the ones we once called our children become grown adults with children of their own. Its sometimes hard to decipher where our lives end and theirs begin.  Some cling to us and want us by their sides always. While some of our children flourish well without our guidance. Perhaps, kudos for a job well done as they were little. No matter what they say or how they grow they take a part of us with them where ever they go. Just as we retain whatever we can from them. If we are lucky we can receive a year  by year scrapbook of them and their kids as we watch our grand kids grow. There are not handbooks that can tell us step by step on how to love what we create. There is however several opinions on ways to follow up on what we begin. How do we let them grow and not interfere? How do we watch from a distance when they require such a small amount of our knowledge. At what point do we back away as parents and let them experience life for what it is...Its a learning experience that holds much more than just skinned knees. It frightening at times as a parent to let your child go and to just remember that they are adults. Teach them to weigh the pros and the cons. To ask in depth questions of life and how it works. Most of all....to treat others the way you want to be treated, with respect and keeping your morals as your guiding light behind the choices you make. If we have left our children with these guidelines then maybe its at that point when we can hope that they will allow us to play a few innings once in a while in their lives. All we can do is pray that God will keep them safe and Guide them as they fulfill his plan for their lives. Hoping along the way that they remember that no one is perfect. We made mistakes with them and they will do the same. Just always remember......pick up the pieces and start again.....someone is watching and learning all they do.....for at this point they are now the adults setting their own examples for all the little ones to observe, interrupt and play out as they grow.