What Does Tomorrow Bring

When we raise our heads first thing in the morning, we instantly begin to think about how our day will go. We feel the dread or the excitement for what is yet to come. It mind sets the tone for how our day will be dealt with. If our thoughts are strong then we can direct our minds to look for what we want to find. If others around us are the strong ones then they can easily direct our way. 

When we start to question life and our daily decisions then we start to find out who we really are. In life we begin to discover what it is that we want and what it is going to take of ourselves to get there. If we determine the direction we want to go then it makes it easier for us to obtain what we want. If you visualize the package that you are striving for then you can determine the steps to get there. 

So, if its a mind set then what other factors need to be considered in order to get what you are after? Thinking about the necessary steps is the first thing needed in order to put a plan together, however, you also need to list some rules and lines not to cross. We have to determine how to reach for what we want while always remembering to have the human touch first. Other people matter just as much as we do and along our Journey we have lessons to learn and lessons to share. This is where the rules and boundaries come in. 

Its ok to want things in life and to set goals but its not ok to hurt people along the way to obtaining your goals and desires. Karma is real and believe it or not, Karma will set you straight when you least expect it. So, don't do things to others that you know you don't  want done to you. There are no gray areas! You do know the difference between right and wrong! Use that common sense! If you mess up, we all do sometimes, admit it and be the bigger person. Move forward, learn from it and grow! No Journey is flawless or easy. So don't expect it to be!

Everyone's Journey is different. Their steps are put together differently and we need to respect others and their decisions. We are all not made the same. Think about how boring this world would be if we were. We may not agree with everyone in  our lives but that's what makes us individuals. See the examples of life around you and learn from them. Look for a little happiness and get rid of the word perfection. No one is perfect and it just puts way to much stress and pressure on us. Learn to live and direct your life and not let it take over you! 

So when deciding what tomorrow holds for you, remember to set your mind on a positive path! Stay focused taking each step at a time. Stay true to yourself but don't create excuses when you do wrong. You need to be the example setter and pay forward what is given your way. It is true that it takes a village to raise a child. Be part of that raising and in turn, only God knows how far you may go!

 

How Could I Not!

 As I set on the bus I could hear quiet chatter all around me. It had been a long day and my friend and I were headed home from a day trip in St. Charles Missouri. She began talking to me about life in general and asking about the family and friends that we both deeply cared about. When we got to the update on our jobs, she lowered her voice and very shyly said, "How can you do the job that you do?" I just smiled, looked at her and said, "How could I not!" She had a puzzled look on her face so I instantly began to feel the need to explain myself and so, our conversation began. 

She was already aware of the fact that I was an Advocate for children, but as we began our discussion, I soon realized that she really did not know what I did. I started explaining how children in this world do not always have a say in what happens in their lives. They are most often loved, but because of their desire to be loved, and wanted, they can also easily be persuaded to do as others want them to in order to stay in their good graces. To be accepted by someone you love is such a deep, heartfelt need. A child can quickly find themselves in dangerous situations when they are trying to please others. Feelings of being helpless, being worthless and even being unlovable can slip into their minds. 

An Advocate, no matter what profession they are from, or what age of the person they are advocating for, that Advocate, is at times, a lifeline. We are there when the rest of the world steps out. Advocates are the ones who give confirmation in stating that we see them, they are not alone. We show them acceptance for who they are while giving them connections to others, who if they choose to make the connections, these people could possibly change their lives forever. The positive or negative changes lie with the person that we are advocating for. Their growth and change in direction is about having someone to first recognize that they exist. About, people acknowledging that someone cares and believes in them. 

Most often those who are being advocated for have been lost and are lonely. They feel that there is never going to be a light at the end of the tunnel for them, until they meet that one person. That one Advocate that reminds them of how important they are and of the plans for their future that have yet to be developed. It doesn't matter if the Advocate is a Teacher, a Social Worker, an Officer, a Counselor or the neighbor next door. No matter how old or young a person is, we all need an Advocate on our side. 

As I wiped a tear from  my check,  I simply said to my friend, "How could I not be an Advocate"? Not every day is a positive day but, everyday is a day full of possibility. As an Advocate, we always want to do our best to be present for who needs us. The thing  about being an Advocate though, is that somedays, the ones we thought we were helping, end up being our inspiration. Everyone, needs someone!

As I saw my friend wipe a tear from her face it occurred to me that the chattering on the bus had stopped. I thought I was sharing my explanation with my friend, alone. It turns out, we had an audience and several of them had developed a case of the sniffles. 

Power, the Influence of a Parent

As I read over others words, I couldn’t help but smile. It all made me think of when my son was little and how often he would wake me up in the middle of the night. How many times I would wake up to find him in bed beside me or in the floor curled up with a pillow and a cover. I even remembered the knocks at my door only to find my daughter calling out my name or touching my shoulder to wake me up. Whether the wake-up call was in tears, with a smile or just one for safety, it was all important to them and in turn to us as well.

A child is so tender and its true that parents have a kind of power that can make or break them. Reality confirms that you don’t actually know how you will influence your children. If your too strict will it make them go wild. If your too lenient will it invite nothing but trouble into their lives. Sometimes it the most horrible parents that create a child who becomes the most amazing parent ever, all because they swear never to be like there parents were to them.

The story I was reading told of someone who saw how much influence they had on their children and perhaps, they realized how important their job was as a parent. They saw the fear and the beauty in what they did and said and the responsibility as well. 

There is no true book that is right or wrong, good or bad as to how to raise a child. It is always, almost true that what we think they will remember as the most important thing from our time together turns out to be the farthest from their favorite memory.

I loved seeing the insight into another parents’ thoughts on their children. It helps us all to see another view and to know that we are not alone.  Too often in today’s world we see and hear more about parents and less about what children need from us and how they learn from what they see us say and do. The “Me” Generation does not always do our children any favors. Children cannot learn respect for themselves and others unless they see and hear it in their lives.

Mean words and accusations do not grow a strong self-esteem. Blaming someone for wrong they have done and repeatedly bringing up a person’s downfalls is not a way to help them grow and become independent. I always told my son that it was his behavior that I did not like, but behaviors have nothing to do with me loving him. Loving a child is constant, liking what he/she does fluctuates in life but that’s how we all learn, is from our mistakes. Its up to us as parents to help them process their rights and wrongs and guide them in being better people then even we are. Doesn’t mean they should rule our roost just that they deserve to be heard and respected.

But Wasn't He

In the Distance I could hear the roar of my phone. It became louder and louder as the voices in the room began to disappear. There was only one reason they would be calling. It had to be because of him. I immediately had a fear come over me. This time, may just be the last time.

As I called her back my fears were confirmed. As we traveled to the Hospital the tears rolled down my face. So many memories began to run through my mind. My teenage years babysitting. So many nights spent with the three siblings.  So many blessings that I found myself treasuring each one of them.

As we entered the Hospital, I feared the worst. I couldn't see anything but the pain in my heart. There was no room for any other thoughts. As  I neared the doorway, my heart felt as if it dropped and I began to cry. I couldn't understand! What, why was all this happening?

A heavy heart began to ease and I found myself breathing again. It was him and he wasn't gasping as I had feared. He was talking, very strong and loudly. I could hear him outside the door. I was in awe.

As we entered the room it was proof that the voice I heard was his. He sat on the bed, stretched out, hooked up to machines with his bible in his hand.  Of the 38 years that I had watched him grow, I had never saw him through the same eyes that I saw him through on this day.

He was a man of God and on this day he was a Teacher of what God had to say. We spent hours together that day. His voice was so powerful, believable and carried hope with each word spoken. It was easy to look beyond the breathing machines. It was as if he had a story to get out before he left this world and God was on his side. He mesmerized us all!

As he and I talked later, we discussed where God was that day. I smiled and told him, "He was in the room with you!" He then asked me why I thought that. As I slowly processed what he was asking me, a big smile came over my face. "But wasn't He? Kyle's body was starting to reject his lungs but God in all his glory found a way to let Kyle be a faithful servant that day. He preached all about God's word to so many different people who walked into that room. He was ready to go home. Even after all he had been through during his lifetime, he was still so excited at the thought of seeing God. Kyle would say, "If I lead only one person to God, then my work is done!" He inspired many, including me!

Kyle James Harwell
   August 6, 1980 to March 3, 2019

MOMS LESSONS

It’s been an empowering weekend full of discoveries and emotions. The weekend started with time being spent with friends who share my faith. It lead into a second day of inspiration, hard work and recognition of important moments in my life. This week being the 29^th anniversary of my mom’s passing, it is always a time of reminiscing.  One of the ladies demanded that we think about the times in our lives where we approached a life changing interaction. An interaction that forever created a different path on this road we travel called a Journey.

My earliest memory I can think of was when my dad owned his own mechanics shop in Kinmundy. I was maybe in the second or third grade and there was a family that their car had broken down. I remember that day that we had a few extra mouths to feed. After that day, I seem to see my parents in a bit of a different light. When my mom and dad separated I continued to see my mom and her giving soul. I always said she was a Social Worker without a degree and the very reason why I decided to become one.

Over my teenage years, I was a bit of a handful, too say the least. My mom never gave up on trying to teach me lessons with each new mistake that I would make. She would always tell me that she wasn’t perfect but try to stop and think what she would do if she had the same problem that I was facing. In fact, she just wanted me to stop and think before I foolishly made my decisions. Back then I could be quite impulsive. I think it was just part of me and having attention deficit disorder.

I survived my childhood years. Between God and mom, somehow, I came out ornery, but I flourished. The same year I turned eighteen I graduated with honors, got married and had my son. Some say that eighteen is to young, but God blessed me. It wasn’t too many years later that we found out I couldn’t have any more kids. God had a plan and that little boy kept me on the straight and narrow and focused. He was just as ornery as I had once been.

Over time I had my share of wrongs and rights, ups and downs and with mom’s guidance and wisdom that she made me search for, I became a Social Worker with a degree. I found times of struggle and times of miracles but in the end,  I always found my way back to God and mom.

Mom’s come in all shapes and sizes, some blood and others not. Some teach with a loving hand while others teach by showing us things that we swear we will never expose our kids too. We learn and grow and develop into the people we are molded to be. Thank heavens none of our moms are perfect. As kids we also need to see that its ok to be human and mess up. It makes us learn to appreciate life more.

Morale of my story, I miss my mom daily, but her love and her wisdom are part of me in every path I walk down. I make my own choices in this life and I suffer my own consequences however; my moms voice and warm embrace will always guide me towards my tomorrows. I am thankful for every moment that I saw my mom reach out to others to help them. She taught me the value of giving and caring for others. As the years continue to pass I want to keep in mind what another friend told me this weekend. If she is remembered by just one person for helping someone then she has lead a fulfilling and meaningful life. My mother’s life was full of helping others, as is my friend’s life. Their legacies will live on as being known as such. So, a special thank you going out to my mother today! Thank you for making me think about more in this world than just myself! For showing me how to be true to what makes the world a better place and for remembering that Gods got a plan. I may not like everything that happens in my life but if I have any faith at all, God will take care of the rest. I only pray that my Legacy will be an inkling of my mothers. Stay true to what you know in your heart is right. The rest will come your way a step at a time. You just have to have Faith and believe. Thank you, mom, For teaching me to BELIEVE!

CAROLYN OWENS BARBEE FISHER HOFFMAN; June 26, 1947-1989

 

MISSED BY ALL WHO KNEW YOU!

Stepping Stones

Brandi McCain & Kim Barbee-Tucker: Kids Crts & Schools 10/5/17 Domestic Violence Presentation; Mt. Vernon, IL

Milestone or Bucketlist, either way today was a major accomplishment for me. We all have times in our lives that define what we want to be about. Its when or accomplishments unfold our dreams, right before us. Today was my first Conference Presentation. As I looked over the room I felt my knees go weak and my heart start to pound. There was standing room only. The hardest part began to be how to introduce myself. I had practiced the speech several times but not once had I attempted to give a description of who I was and what my accomplishments had been. I had listened to other speakers tell about theirselves but reviewing my accomplishments met that I would have to admit a starting point, an area of growth and a standing place that I was currently at. When you come from a background of Domestic Violence, giving yourself a pat on the back for a well done isnt always an easy task. Actually, quite often, building confidence is something that you have to work at. Today was the start to a Journey that I hope will continue. The belief of "More God, Less Me" was really helpfull. Thank you to several of my friends, their friends and all the prayers. Thank you for backing me up. Even my old boss was there. You all will not ever realize how much you empowered me just by you being in the room. A special thank you to Brandi for all your directing and correcting. It was nice to have your corrective guidance even if you were silent most of the time. You still got your point across. Thanks for not giving up on my obsessiveness. Well, here is to the start of a new Journey. Thanks to each of you who took the time to help the presentation happen. You know who you are and what your role has been. You never know what tomorrow may hold. Thanks for giving me stepping stones and leading me on to the next one.

A Trace of Mom

The day I was born I was lucky enough to feel Gods grace and he blessed me with one of the most beautiful loving mothers that he put on this earth. As I grew older I began to realize that not all moms were like my mom. She was warm and tender but she was strict and wise in her teachings. She taught me to look for the best in others while being careful as to protect myself from what dangers some can also contain. At a young age I lost her to cancer and I quickly learned to appreciate every minute that I could recall. My mom had been my best friend and teacher. It was not that she was always perfect or that I always did what she told me. It was more the fact that she was always there. No matter what I did or said, my mom let me know that she loved me and would listen even if I didn't like what her response was going to be. She had been my conscience and my backbone in multiple trials during our short 21 years together. So, when she left me I felt cheated and lost. I was angry and felt like God had left me alone.
 In time I started to discover that life wasn't all about me as a whole. It was about my interpretation on life and what God lies in and on our "Path" of life. I started to smile again at some of the most beautiful things. One day it was a baby laughing. The smile on her mothers face and the laughter that followed her daughters almost made tears come to my eyes. On another day I overheard a child asking her mom where babys come from. I waited quietly to see how she explained it to her. Was it the stork that delivered or was it an anatomy lesson with few details. Then came a day where I heard the comment, "Mom, do you think Johnny will always think that I am ugly?" That time mom tenderly searched for her words but I saw her look at the little girls dad and tell him shh because his desire was to search out this little boy who had been so mean to his princess. Moms are not just consolars to us, they are peace keepers to all involved.
As I continued to look through the many moments that we experience on the sidelines with other people, I began to find multiple stories that brought a trace of my own mom to my mind. I found that a smile on my face began to be a heart full of love that never died. Countless many other times I saw other moms slow down their fast paced lives just to explain to their children how life works. So many blessings in forms of kindness being smiles exchanged, cards, presents or just tight hugs and some soft spoken words.
 Mothers are all around us and although I may miss my own I have to give credit to some of the beautiful ones around me. I soon decided that its ok to miss my mom but its so much better to look for the wisdom that she brought to me in some of the other mothers. A mothers heart carries so much love, patience and understanding. They never truly leave us. Thankfully, if you take a moment and experience the world around you, you might just hear a familiar conversation. Most mothers bare the same soul. If your lucky, maybe you might just be asked for your wise opinion or a hug. Either one of these request from another mother or someone elses child, is a beautiful moment worth making a memory of. So I ask you, where can you find a trace of your mother? Better yet, where will your child find a trace of you?